The Importance of Giving Up Being a Victim in Relationships

Want to know the number one reason why you might be stuck in your recovery from co-dependency and aren’t happy?

I’m talking about a topic that’s so personal, so close to home, that it almost feels uncomfortable, but it’s a topic that’s absolutely vital if you want to break through and move forward in your recovery.

It’s letting go of being a victim.

Victim consciousness is a big reason why we get trapped in co-dependent and love addicted relationships, however, if you’re in victim consciousness, you usually don’t know you’re being the victim.

I’m sure you can think of people now around you that are totally stuck in victim consciousness, but they don’t know it.

They’re asleep to their power.

And they don’t know any different.

I gained awareness over time that I was playing the victim in relationships, however, I didn’t really ‘own’ it until I had Business Coach complete a Hand Analysis Test to help me discover my purpose.

And she read in my hands that my biggest life lessons to overcome were being a victim, shame and numbing.

Of course, I didn’t like that answer, so I put the report away in a drawer for a long time, even though I knew in my heart it was true.

It took time to admit I did have a victim part of myself that allowed me to stay in situations that weren’t good for me and kept me stuck in misery for years.

My victim side complains and blames, nothing’s ever my fault, and I believe I can’t do what I want.  I have a million excuses and I’m never quite happy. I’m always looking at the negative side of things and never the positive.

It took me two years to get that piece of paper out again and really embrace what it said.

I realized that yes, those lessons were indeed mine, however, if I ‘owned’ them I could then go on and live my purpose to help other women overcome them too.

In fact, my hand reading told me that I was born to be a powerful leader and entrepreneur.  And to live my purpose I had to be open about the struggles I’d overcome and give others hope that they could overcome them too.

So, if you recognize there’s a part of you that does feel sorry for yourself and focuses on your problems rather than solutions, then you might be trapped in that victim consciousness. And my suggestion is don’t be hard on yourself because victim consciousness is part of the feminine collective consciousness on the planet.

Most women are touched by victim consciousness because for centuries and centuries and centuries women have literally been victims. We’ve been labelled the ‘the weaker race’, weren’t allowed a voice and had few rights up until the last 100 years.

Sadly, there’s still millions of women around the world who are victimized every day, and if you’ve been a victim of childhood of abuse or trauma or some crime as an adult, you have actually been a victim at that time.

Your challenge is to acknowledge the bad things happened to you, but not to stay stuck in victim consciousness.

You always have a choice about whether you’re going to stay feeling sorry for yourself or not.

Because there’s one thing that no one can take from you.

And that is your spirit.

Your spirit belongs to you. You own that and you’re responsible for taking care of it.

So if you recognize now that maybe you’ve been playing the victim and getting yourself into dramas and blaming other people for your misery, my encouragement is not to hate yourself, not to beat yourself up, but to do the opposite.

Show yourself love and compassion.

This is what I had to do in order to be able to sit here right now today and be able to comfortably tell you, yep, I’ve got a big victim inside of me and I feel no shame or embarrassment about that at all.

And what I’m asking you to do is own it.

Own that part of you that acts like a victim, because that part of you has been trying to get your needs met in the only way that you knew how.

So, let’s get real.

Ask yourself, where am I playing the victim?

I know it might be painful and horrible to admit to yourself and hard to look at, but once you can really embrace that side of you and love that side of you you’ll be able to choose better path.

You’ve be doing the best you can. You’re human and all humans have got dark and light aspects inside of them.

And if we can’t own that darkness, we can’t access the gift within it.

For example, I realized the gift hidden in my victim hood was compassion.

Through feeling like a victim, I have enormous capacity for people who have been victims and that’s why I now openly talk about uncomfortable subjects like this because my heart is open.

I don’t want anyone to stay in victimhood one second longer than they have to because it’s sucks there.

It hurts, it’s horrible, it’s destructive, it’s negative, and it’s not where people really want to be.

Once you own your inner victim you can choose to change.

You can choose to be in your power for the first time in your life. And that is an amazing place to be.

If you want to explore this more deeply now, I encourage you to download my free online training ‘Be a Woman of Integrity – The 3 Hidden Ways A Woman Gives Her Power Away And How To Take Yours Back

You will become aware of how you’ve been giving your power away (without even knowing it) and 3 things you can do right away to step out of victim and into your power.


I hope this blog has been of service to you. I invite you to comment your experiences or thoughts on this topic below.

You do have the power to just be you.


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