This is an unusual topic.
We don’t talk about pride very much and when most people think of pride, they think it’s good to be proud of yourself, right?
And yes, that is a good thing.
But I’m talking about the negative, destructive side of pride.
I’m sharing this because I see a lot of women who are high achievers who excel in everything they do, but there is often an Achilles heel or a hidden way they sabotage themselves they can’t even see.
And that is false pride.
I can see it in a woman because I used to live like that.
My pride held me hostage for decades.
It was a very painful way to live.
I had this sense that I was “better than” and I would look down on people. In my mind I was thinking, “Oh well, they’re not as evolved as I am. They’re not as smart as me.”
And I hated that about myself.
I would try and hide from people that I was feeling prideful.
But I’ve discovered over time that negative pride is actually an unconscious defence mechanism.
And it’s a flip side of co-dependency.
Because when you think about co-dependency, most people think a woman who is co-dependent feels ‘less than’, like ‘I’m not good enough, everyone else is better than me”
And that’s true. Often, they are feeling like that.
But in co-dependency, there’s always a flip side as well.
That is the sense of feeling ‘better than’, or superior.
If you have a superiority complex you can bet your bottom dollar you don’t want to admit it.
But it’s a defence mechanism that is covering up deeper issues of feeling insecure, not worthy, not good enough. And the way your amazing mind has chosen to handle that is to put on the mask of ‘better than’.
Living like that can be bloody painful.
I can tell you that because I lived like that for so long and I see it in some of my clients.
When they recognize that pride is holding them back and keeping them hidden behind a ‘mask’, pretending to be happy, they realise it keeps them disconnected from the very people they really want to be connected to.
And the person they’re most disconnected from is themselves.
They’re hiding in their heads, judging everything, judging themselves, judging others.
That’s not healed.
Healed is when you have a sense of balance and a sense of true equality. You’re not judging or comparing yourself to others. You’re not putting people down in your minds at all. You’re not cutting people out of your life because they’re not good enough.
It’s an ugly way to live.
And the danger is that you stay stuck for a long time because when you’re prideful, you don’t like admitting you’ve made mistakes. You certainly don’t like apologizing.
I refused to apologize for all the s**t that I’d done for a really long time because I was so prideful.
You are stubborn. You refuse to be vulnerable. You refuse to reach out and tell people that you’re hurting and that you need help.
So, you stay stuck for a long time.
But false pride makes you feel strong, it’s like you’re full of adrenaline and you’re thinking, “Oh no, I’ve got this”.
But it’s total BS.
And when women see that for themselves, it’s confronting.
It’s hard to face.
It’s hard to deal with.
You know, you’re stuck in pride if you go around giving everybody advice and you think you know best and you’re telling everybody else how to live their life, that’s pride.
Pride is hiding fear.
It’s hiding insecurity.
It’s hiding shame.
And every time a woman comes to transform with me, and we start to scratch the layers of defence away, 99% of the time there’s shame underneath and that shame is painful.
This is not healthy for you or your relationships long-term.
It’s time to let your walls of pride down and to do that I invite you to join the next round of my 6 week online group course ‘Boundary Queen: How To Create Meaningful Relationships Without ‘Losing Yourself’ Again’
This course is about boundaries, but most of all it’s about connecting with yourself, getting back in touch with who you are, the real you, the feminine side of you, your emotions, your desires, what’s really right for you.
I know it can be confronting if you’ve been running around, being busy in your head, judging everybody and judging yourself to now stop and think, “Actually, who am I? I’ve lost myself somewhere and I need to find myself”, however you will be supported by myself and a loving, safe, supportive group of like-minded women.
Don’t think you have time?
Well you complete the weekly video training at home in your own time and then join the other students in 3 x online group coaching sessions, followed by an online private consultation with me.
At the end of the course you’ll be a woman who respects yourself, has so much integrity, and knows when, where, and how to set a boundary with love for yourself and other people.
You’ll be able to handle conflict gracefully without losing your s**t about it anymore or trying to avoid it.
You’re going to be able to handle it lovingly when people disagree with you and you’ll connect with a part of yourself that you is authentically strong and powerful that you probably haven’t connected with up until now.
The course will help you feel naturally more grounded, clear, wise, comfortable in your own skin.
That’s my ultimate goal for you.
At the end of this time, you will not only be acting different, you will feel different.
You will be feeling more like yourself and clear about how you want to live your life and how you want to show up in relationships.
I hope this blog has been of service to you. I invite you to comment your experiences or thoughts on this topic below.
You do have the power to just be you.
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You can book a Free Enrolment Chat with me via the page if you want to meet me or ask questions to see if the course is right for you.
I really look forward to seeing you become a ‘Boundary Queen’ too.
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